Bless Your Heart

It’s one of Southerner’s most-used expressions.

But as people have started streaming into the south from all parts of the country, I think I need to explain how and when to use the expression.

You might say "Bless your heart" to your friend who is telling you about their latest crisis of the week, but they've been droning on so long about it you're not even paying attention to them and they suddenly stop and look at you, waiting for a comment. This version of the expression is the semi-sincere one, because if you really knew what they'd said, you would mean it.

If your friend is complaining about their preacher preaching so long on Sunday that their pot roast burned, you would definitely say, "Bless your heart." But you'd also be thinking, "Who in the world would go to a church that has such a long-winded preacher?"

We definitely use the expression when we’re discussing our alcoholic uncle who's had his 17th DUI and has promised it’s his very last one.

And when discussing our cousin who has a steel plate in his head from having that four-wheeler accident while chasing his girlfriend who was riding on the back of someone else's four-wheeler, and he forgot to duck when he went through the Dutch door of the barn when the upper half was still shut. Yeah, he gets a "bless your heart."

But then there’s the time someone does something nice for you that’s totally unexpected, and you're so surprised by it that you just have to give them a truly, heart-felt, "Bless your heart."

* Taken from The Wit and Wisdom of David Johnson, Volume 1: I Didn’t Know Donkeys Could Laugh.