Don’t Be Absent When You’re Present

Of the many striking traits of Jesus, one that amazes me, is that he never seemed to be in a hurry. Even though he was involved in doing the most important work that has ever been done on earth, he was never in a rush. It seems wherever Jesus found himself, he acted like that place was the most important place for him to be.

When people met Jesus, whether in a crowd or a one-on-one conversation, he made them feel like nothing else mattered except them. In this way he made people feel special and important. No wonder people were so drawn to him!

I call this trait “being in the moment.” (We used to refer to it as “undivided attention.”) It’s the ability to be with someone without being distracted. Your heart, mind and spirit are totally focused on them.

With cellphones having evolved into tiny handheld computers, it’s becoming increasingly rare to have someone “be in the moment” with you. Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and text messages scream for our attention from within our pocket or purse. Like an impatient two-year-old, the cellphone demands, “Notice me! Notice me! Notice me!” with its persistent chirp, ring, or buzz.

We’ve become slaves to our devices.

People are more connected than ever but only superficially so.

At a deep, personal level there’s a void of emotional intimacy. Our devices and apps created to keep us connected have failed us.

They interfere in every kind of relationship: marriage, parent-child, friends, and family. It’s impossible to “be in the moment” because we’re so distracted.

If you’re a parent, let me make these suggestions to help you “be in the moment” with your child:
• Give your children 30 uninterrupted minutes a day of yourself (that’s a tiny fraction of your day)
• Explain to them you’re giving them some of your time and why (that is, because they’re important to you)
• Do whatever they want to do during the 30 minutes (it might be playing a game together, or reading a book, or watching them color/draw, or talking about their day)
• Try hard to appear relaxed and not be in a hurry to leave and do something else (Don’t look at your phone! Better yet, don’t even have it with you.)

If you’re married, try out these ideas in order to be “in the moment” with the person you’re sharing your life with:
• Look for a moment when your spouse is doing something you normally don’t involve yourself with, walk up and ask them how (not if) you can help, or ask them to explain it to you
• Ask them about their day (try and see how many questions you can ask them about their day, so they have to give you as much detail as possible about their day)
• Listen without interrupting and without thinking about what you’re going to say
• Use the power of touch—hold their hand, touch their arm, put your arm around them
• Before doing the above, turn off the T.V. and your phone

I hope you’ll give these ideas a try. You’ll have to be patient with yourself because some of them won’t feel natural. But the more you use them, the more familiar they’ll become and the more natural it’ll feel.

Make a commitment to practice these every day for one month. I guarantee you’ll notice a difference in how you feel about yourself and how your family is responding to you.

Good luck!