Kes: Not Exactly Hallmark Moments

Daddy was working on our washing machine. I crawled down under there to get a better look. Pretty soon I was on his chest, between him and a black hose and some kind of motor looking thing. It was my first upside down look at the underbelly of a washing machine.

Dad was a truck driver. He didn’t know one thing about washing machines. He was in the “do it yourself” mode because he didn’t have an extra two dollars to hire Pete Joyner. I was there exercising the natural curiosity of a five year old.

And, of course, helping out, “Dad, what are you doing? What is that yellow wire for? Can I pull the hose off? Can I hold the screwdriver?”

He asked me several times to move along as he was busy. I had more questions— “Son, if you don’t go, I’m going to whip you.”

He absolutely did not mean that. He said it so off handed it didn’t even count. He was simply trying to get on, unhindered, with the project at hand.

“You will have to catch me first.”

It just came out. I didn’t mean to say it. I clearly wasn’t thinking. And I could not, in no shape, form or fashion, pull it back into my mouth!

He paused with a wrench in midair. I used that split second to head for the hills….

He caught me on the back steps. Folks, I’m telling you, I didn’t get 13 feet away from that washing machine. And he already had his belt in his hand! He was way quicker than Clark Kent changing to Superman in that Daily Planet closet.

He whipped me for a while.

I realize I was only five. But as we went round and round on those steps, I kept thinking, “This one is completely on me.”

David Mark’s famous death-defying attempt to fly was a team effort. Leon worked out the plan. But I put the rope in my mouth and climbed the medium size pine tree. I tied it to the highest limb I could reach and scrambled back down to the ground. David was the youngest brother. And the lightest.

We pulled the top of that tree almost down to the ground. Leon got Dave positioned close to where the rope was tied to the top, and gave him his final instructions, “Hold on till the tree is straight up and then let go!”

The idea was for Dave to fly to the next tree some 15 feet or so away. He didn’t make it. He didn’t even come close. He actually hit most of the limbs of the tree we had pulled over on his way down. Luckily, it helped break his fall. Unluckily, he still got busted up with something awful when he hit the ground.

Jumping the big ditch behind George Sexton’s house on a bicycle should not officially count as one of my un-Halmark moments. But I did end up being a half-willing participant. Buddy Wiggleton thought up the whole thing. He took some scrap wood and built the ramp. He gauged the wind direction and decided how far back we needed to start to get up to the proper take-off speed.

And then he turned to me, “H, you go first, you’re the best athlete.” Talk about famous last words….

I was not half way across when I stalled out. Evil Knievel on a jet rocket couldn’t have made this jump. I didn’t get close to the far bank. I nosedived into six inches of water in the small stream in the MIDDLE of the ravine.

I was 21 when I rode the bull. Let me amend that. I was 21 when I got on the bull. Listen, you are up higher than you think. And that bull’s back is wider than you could ever imagine. And I don’t think he liked me.

John Santangini was a college friend from Montgomery, Alabama. He took me to an almost rodeo somewhere between Evergreen and Georgiana. Not everyone that’s 21 is ten feet tall and bulletproof.

Some cowboy opened the gate, and I leaned forward thinking that the bull was going to leap out of the chute. Instead, he jumped the other way into the back of the iron railing. I reached over to check my crushed knee…THEN the bull leaped out of the chute!

Without me on its back. Those folks from Georgiana swear to this day I still hold the world record for the shortest bull ride ever.

I once left a girl I really liked without saying a word to her. I figured we were going in different directions. So, I made a unilateral decision without consulting her. Or having the decency to share an explanation. How thoughtless, rude, inconsiderate, and stupid of me.

It’s like telling Dad he’d have to catch me first. I can’t get it back. I can’t make it right. And it is the one that keeps me up sometimes at night.

It is not the one, however, that keeps David Mark up….

Respectfully,
Kes
kesley45@aol.comz