Keys to Achieving Peace in Relationships

Acrimonious. Rancorous. Embittered. Angry. Acrid.

If you pay even the least amount of attention to the news, it’s easy to deduce that most of the trouble in this world is related to poor relationships between people. Pick any of the adjectives above and you’ll be able to apply them to politics, work settings, marriages, and families.

What’s needed is a heavy dose of peace in relationships. But how do you accomplish that?

Let me make four suggestions.

Humility
Humility is a difficult trait to develop. The old saying is, once you think you’ve got it, you’ve lost it.

Too often people equate humility with weakness or with being taken advantage of by people. They’re afraid if they kneel, they’ll get stepped on.

In truth, humility is a very powerful position. It’s the choice to give up what I want, big or small, for the sake of someone else. It’s choosing to allow someone else’s wishes to take precedent over mine.

The Ability to Compromise
Ludwig Erhard said, “A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.”

This is about finding a win-win solution, not a win-lose solution. People get locked into battles and draw lines, intending to make someone accept their position. No one wins in that scenario — even if they’ve won.

The only way to have productive compromise is if both parties have a spirit of humility.

Gentleness
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” 

Gentleness is all about how you approach someone. It’s the opposite of harshness.

Tone of voice, facial expression, and body language are how you demonstrate gentleness.

While working as part of an equine-assisted psychotherapy team, I learned that horses reflect the type of energy one approaches them with. If a horse seems anxious, it’s because the rider’s anxious. The same is true if a horse is calm.

I’ve found that people are much the same way.

Being Calm in the Midst of a Storm
The author of the following illustration is unknown to me, but it depicts well the importance of remaining calm in spite of a storm.

There once was a King who offered a prize to the artist who painted the best picture of peace. Many artists tried.

The King looked at all the pictures, but there were only two he really liked. So, he had to choose between them.

One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirror for the peaceful towering mountains all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace.

The other picture had mountains too. But these were rugged and bare. Above was an angry sky from which rain fell, and in which lightening played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all. But when the King looked, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the bush a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on her nest.

Which picture do you think won the prize?

The King chose the second picture.

Why?

“Because," explained the King, "peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace."

I promise you, if you work harder on being gentle and humble with others, staying calm when in discussions with them, and being willing to compromise, your life with dramatically change because peace thrives in that kind of environment.

* Taken from The Wit and Wisdom of David Johnson, Volume III: A Harrowing Halloween Tale