The Empty Chair

I remember the first family gathering after my father died. The dining table my mother had received as a gift when I was in high school was stretched out and extra leaves were inserted. Six matching chairs plus several folding chairs lined both sides. At the foot of the table sat mama’s chair and at the head sat daddy’s.

There was nothing special about either end of the table itself that distinguished the foot from the head. Who sat where let you know what to call each end.

The foot of the table: where mama’s servant heart chose to sit; situated so she had easy access to the kitchen in order to hurry back and forth, fetching forgotten items like the deviled eggs and the cranberry sauce or the fruit salad.

The head of the table: where all eyes turned to see when daddy was ready to offer the prayer of thanksgiving or which one of us boys he was going to designate to do it. From the head of the table, he would entertain us with stories of childhood and growing up the son of a sharecropper.

But after daddy was taken from this life, his chair sat empty.

It’s interesting to me how your heart can feel empty and full at the same time. Empty because your loved one is gone yet overflowing with memories of them.

As time marched on, there were other chairs that became empty. But new faces started showing up as grandkids were given the privilege of sitting at “the grownup’s table.”

The Circle of Life.

This holiday season, if you find yourself sitting at a table with an empty chair, give yourself permission to feel the emptiness and loss. But at the same time, count yourself lucky to have had someone in your life who you loved so much that it hurt when they left. The amount of pain you feel is directly proportionate to how much you cared for them. What a blessing to have loved so deeply!

Relish the memories when you shared laughter, unforgettable experiences, and tears with them. Keep those memories alive in your heart and share them with others who knew them.

When regrets slip in reminding you of missed opportunities to tell them you loved them, or forgave them, or needed to ask for forgiveness, tell those regrets to leave you alone because you can do nothing about them.

Return your focus to the good times you shared with your loved one, because that’s what they would want you to do. Count yourself as blessed.

* Taken from The Wit and Wisdom of David Johnson, Volume 1: I Didn’t Know Donkeys Could Laugh.