The Seasons of a Marriage

I’ve never seen a perfect marriage. Never.

Unfortunately, some people have unrealistic expectations when they enter a marriage, expecting everything to be “perfect.”

One reason the divorce rate is so high is because people don’t recognize that a marriage goes through different seasons.

“Spring” is the season when excitement is high and energy levels are at their maximum. The sweet smell of intoxicating endorphins fills the air. You and your spouse are energized with a spirit of adventure. New ideas are shared and received with excitement. Sex is incredible for both of you.

During “Summer” things seem like they’re in the doldrums. No one feels like doing anything. Every day seems the same. The sense of excitement is no longer present. People feel bored. They start to question if marriage was the right choice. Sex occurs, but it seems to have lost some of its passion.

“Fall” ushers in renewed excitement. Color decorates anew the drab halls of your heart. Newly discovered energy restores hope in your relationship. The intensity of sex returns. Memories are shared that remind you of why your spouse is the one you wanted to spend your life with. A contented smile replaces your concerned frown.

The scariest season of marriage is “Winter.” Sometimes it sweeps in on the winds of a horrible wound that’s been inflicted. Your soul feels the chill. Intimacy goes into hibernation. A giant chasm separates you and your spouse. On the one hand you fear the chasm will never be closed and yet you fear that it will.

None of these seasons follows the predictable cycle of our natural world. No one can predict which season will follow another. Nor can anyone tell you how long a season might last.

What I can tell you, based on my fifty years of marriage, and having counseled untold numbers of couples through the years, is no season lasts forever, it only feels like it does.

Don't panic when Summer and Winter cycle through your marriage. Both seasons are inevitable. But if you’re strong, courageous, honest, and open with your spouse, those two seasons won't last very long.

Perhaps the best thing my wife ever said to me was after a cold wind blew on my neck and I was fearful of Winter being on the horizon. I asked her if I had hurt her in some way, was there something amiss that I needed to know about. I told her, “I don't like facing my day if we aren't ‘right’.”

Here's what she said to me: “Together we are ‘very right,’ but it's just that individually either one of us could be a little off on a particular day and that's okay. Everything is fine!”

As quickly as that cold breath of air appeared, it dissipated in the wake of a warm spring wind.

The same might happen for you.

Hang in there.

* Taken from The Wit and Wisdom of David Johnson, Volume I1: The Hairy Catfish Caper.