Wit and Wisdom: Suicide

It’s one of the few if not the only scarier word than “cancer”. Especially if it’s associated with young people.

In the small community I call home, I feel like we’ve had more than our fair share of suicides among school-age children. It’s beyond heartbreaking.

After one of the suicides, I wrote this piece:

Once again, the Grim Reaper has used his wicked scythe to cut short the life of one of the young people in our community. A blanket of sadness envelopes the hearts of everyone whose life was touched by this child.

In the hallways at school, young people avert their red-rimmed eyes from contacting each other, fearing the combined grief of theirs with another friend’s will completely drown them. In their hearts are the questions of:

• Why?
• Should I have known it was coming?
• Could I have done something? Said something?
• Did it happen because of something I did or didn't do?

But in the minds of a few young people is the acknowledgment that suicide makes sense to them, that it’s a viable alternative to the pain they live in daily. This is one of the scary side effects of suicide, that is, it takes aberrant behavior and makes it appear normal.

In fear and panic, parents fill the screens of our phones with texts and our computers with messages on Facebook, realizing that this could have been their child who chose to die.

Grandparents, who have seen senseless death too many times, drop to their knees and pray for protection for their grandchildren.

Our town rises up in anger and indignation, shouting, "Something has to be done to prevent this from happening again!"

People ask me, "What can I do or say that will help?"

We want to DO something so the feeling of helplessness in the pit of our stomach will be appeased. But the truth is—there’s nothing you can do or say that’ll take away the pain and sadness, neither yours nor someone else's.

We’re sad and hurting because we’re supposed to be.

There are no simple answers to complex problems—suicide being one of them.

I certainly don't have the answers. But here are some things I do know:

• Our world needs to be more compassionate and less caustic. Dividing over our differences with each other isn't nearly as important as embracing despite our differences.
• You can't tell a child too often that they’re loved, even if they aren't your child.
• "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is a LIE! Words matter. Before you say something to someone you are upset with, ask yourself if you would like for someone to say a similar thing to your child, or your sister or brother.
• Don't assume you know why things happen. Causation is rarely linear. More often it’s circular.
• If someone you know is hurting inside and you don't know what to do, TELL someone. Tell a parent, a teacher, your preacher or youth minister, the guidance counselor. And if none of them do anything, keep telling people until someone does do something. Just don't keep it to yourself.

Now, I want to get really personal and whisper something in your ear. “If you’re reading this, and you’re thinking of ending your life, let me tell you something. As awful as you feel right now, the feeling won't last forever. My advantage on you is I have walked in the shadows and thought dark thoughts like you, but I held on, and the sun finally shone again. I’ve lived more than sixty years and seen many people standing on the edge of the cliff ready to jump, but they paused, took a breath, and stepped back from oblivion and found a purpose for living. I promise you, it will happen for you, too.”

* Taken from The Wit and Wisdom of David Johnson, Volume III: A Harrowing Halloween Tale